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How many other bedrooms will I wake up in?

by Katy & the Null Sets

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1.
In A Ditch 03:22
just because i shouldn’t take it personally doesnt mean that i won’t even with the best of love i’m falling on my face, muddy legs, in a ditch i can’t sing right i’m not the right size i’m not that fun i got mush for a mind you’ve got other people and a life laid out for you. i’m not coming with who cut each other loose? i know i’m better off. still i cried in the car i can’t sleep right my face is unkind you were my fun you were on my mind dazzling billboards on the drive home i visit your town but not for you i almost mention it to my friends it’s not important little things go wrong and i collect them in my shirt for later wanna dampen my own face and miss you violently none of that’s real or worth my time but haven’t you heard? i love to lose my mind how many times can i start over? the nervous grins eat at my guts staring at the table for an hour i should just leave my jacket on how many times can i end it? my heavy breaths hang in the air poured out, gathering between the blankets this never happened…
2.
he pulls on my belt loop as if that could bring us even closer than we already are my skin electric. i can't stop thinking. doomed to love boys who live an hour away why did you sneak into my lungs? i forgot how to breathe, no fireworks but i still hear the sound you never do stick around, you've got work, i get it i'm not your maybe we're too close baby, getting closer than we already are your hands wander from my waist up the sleeves of my shirt the way you hold on my face could be nostalgic. but i'm blanking, no, this feels new.
3.
HMH 03:16
i wear things that are a pleasure to remove but you don't take my clothes off an hour between us, i see you twice a month you still don't take my clothes off i might be an abomination or you might not be worth my time i'll drive, all you gotta do is hold my hand even 23 i've got our next few months planned out i'll drive, all you gotta do is hold my hand your stain on my skin took hours to remove it would seem i'm worse off but work is worse, this is something to live for have i earned your love yet?
4.
Throwaway 03:41
how many other bedrooms will i wake up in? since now we know that we are not forever you say I'm "cool" and that should be enough for me instead i'm counting down the days and feeling like a throwaway how many awkward pairings will i end up in? even today i'm wishing i were back at home get in the way of my own joy, i can't be fun where's the twin to read my mind and understand? you're the closest i could get right now so i look at the wall until you ask me what's wrong the words that drip from my mouth are from 2014 am i doomed or determined? i can be fun instead i'm counting down the days and feeling like a throwaway instead i'm counting down the days and feeling like a throwaway instead i'm counting down the days and feeling like a throwaway

credits

released October 3, 2020

Written by Katy Ohsiek
Mixed by Justin Kiatvongcharoen
Mastered by Jared Hirshland
Album art by Amanda Crawford

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