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HARD PASS: An Arts​-​Based Autoethnography Regarding the Experience of a Graduate Student of Mathematics

by Katy & the Null Sets

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1.
I hardly know myself how can that be at my age? I'm right where was 3 years ago if something were to pull me by now it would have happened all the memoirs in the world say otherwise but I feel so old! seeing nothing on the outline of my vision counting up the hours I've got left on this earth and killing them all all of the men and jobs I tried on once and gave away the songs I write now sound the same what could be possibly left to find out? I'm back at university and I thought it would keep me from having to choose anything for awhile but suddenly I give all my time to things I don't care about and getting out of bed is harder and harder every morning do something else what have I been trying to find I could just do something else tell my friends and family that I'm quitting again I'm drifting again
2.
Pool (demo) 02:12
if I'm sad, well I must have chosen it it tastes like a well drink watered down men and their unearned confidence it's hard to see past people taller than me tired of carving out my own space I'm losing it it's like if I died no one would notice if I died they wouldn't notice if I died at least my mom would call it's hard to imagine if I'm swimming in this pool by myself then why don't I just get out? if I'm sinking in this pool by myself then why don't I just get out? (if there was any other way, I'd be fine, I wouldn't bother you)

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released May 14, 2022

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